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The thing that I'm still really scared to talk about
I’ve gotten really really good at leaning head-on into uncomfortable conversations about race. But what I’m about to write scares the pants off of me. It’s something so fraught in my community that it’s something that we just don’t talk about, unless we know how the other person feels. And even then, we probably still don’t talk about it.
The Truth About Why I Left My Meditation Community: 5 Ways To Avoid Spiritual Bypassing As A White Person
We were taught, by the old white man, that by meditating we are establishing ourselves in Being, in pure consciousness, which is preparing us to ‘perform action’ in the world. We aren’t renunciates; we are ‘householders’, meaning that we have families and jobs and we live out in the world. We were taught that just by expanding our own consciousness, we were expanding the consciousness of the world around us. As we ‘perform action’, any action, in the world, we are making it a better place. And I believe it, to a point. We’ve all encountered people who brighten up a room just by being in it. And conversely, we’ve all been around those people that suck the energy out of a room as soon as they enter.
This all worked for me. Until a year or two after my teacher training.
Until it all started to unravel.
You're Almost There- Don't Stop Now!
You can finally learn how to confidently speak up against racism, confront biases and privilege, and contribute to the movement for social justice in a way that serves the people that need it most! And you can do so in a safe, productive environment, where you are given the space to do the necessary work to look within and make real change.
The Scariest Thing I Almost Didn't Do
Do you feel overwhelmed by increasing levels of racial tension and anti-immigrant sentiment in our country?
Do you feel discouraged by a sense that our country is more divided than united?
Are you frustrated because you want to do something about it, but don’t know where to start?
That’s how I felt back in 2016, and that feeling, plus my friend’s comment about my privileged blog post, got me started on a journey of self-exploration and accountability for my role in our racist society. I signed up for a retreat for white people to learn about anti-racism. I initially was excited, but as the retreat approached, I got scared. I didn’t want to go.
An Unlikely End to Getting Pulled Over On A Roadtrip
I’ll share another story with you. It’s embarrassing, so please be kind. In July of 2014, I was on a road trip, and I got inspired to write a book about places to find healthy food on the road. Somewhere in rural Illinois, I saw a billboard for an incredible farmer’s market. I didn’t want to use my phone to type, so I used the voice dictation function on the phone so I could minimize my distraction.
At that exact moment, I happened to drive by a cop, and I got pulled over for using my phone while driving.
The Most Awkward Dinner Party Ever
In my last post, I wrote about a really awkward dinner party where a well-respected priest used the N-word. In front of two 8-year-old children. If you didn’t catch it, you can read the full post here.
I then asked you 2 questions:
What emotions were you feeling in that moment as you heard the story?
What would you do in that moment?
I am floored by all the responses I got from this post. From people of all races. Clearly it hit a nerve, and clearly a lot of people could relate to this situation.
A Priest and a Meditation Teacher and a Dinner Party
Last fall, I was at a friend’s family dinner party. At the table were several of his family’s old friends, two 8-year-olds, and a priest, who was also an old friend of the family.
Midway through dinner, the (white) priest started to recount a story from his days fighting in the Civil Rights movement. He was marching with a few women of color in a rally, and someone on the sidelines started yelling hateful racial slurs at them. The priest, in recounting this story, used the exact language that was yelled at him and the women of color, including the full N-word.
My Favorite Self-Help Tool: Defensiveness
If you could choose any emotion to feel for the rest of your life, what would it be? Happiness? Peace? Contentedness? Excitement? Compassion? Those are all great. But for me:
I choose defensiveness.
What the…?
I love getting defensive. I’m not kidding. I can’t get enough.
Reconciling Racism with the Vedic World View
The underlying premise of the Vedic world view, one which I espouse whole-heartedly, is that we are all one thing, which is pure consciousness. Love. We are all unique, individual expressions of the same ONE thing, just like my pinky looks different and has a different function from my ear, but they are absolutely both a part of me.
My struggle with this world view is that this oneness is not the day-to-day experience of everyone in the world. A lot of people have it really, really bad in this world, to a point where they can’t even conceive of ‘it’s all one thing’. In other words, I can afford to have this world view because I’m white, educated, and was raised in a healthy, well-to-do family. Yes, I’ve worked hard, but I’ve also been given unfathomable opportunities- large ones, and daily micro-opportunities- just by virtue of being born into this body.
Confession: I’m a Well-Intending White Liberal, and I'm Racist
I spent this past weekend at a retreat in Highlands, North Carolina. Not as a leader, but as a consumer. A yoga retreat? A meditation retreat? Nope. I spent 4 days with 9 other white people and 2 fearless and incredible black leaders at an anti-racism bootcamp retreat.