The Most Awkward Dinner Party Ever

In my last post, I wrote about a really awkward dinner party where a well-respected priest used the N-word. In front of two 8-year-old children. If you didn’t catch it, you can read the full post here.

I then asked you 2 questions:
What emotions were you feeling in that moment as you heard the story?
What would you do in that moment?

I am floored by all the responses I got from this post. From people of all races. Clearly it hit a nerve, and clearly a lot of people could relate to this situation. 

What was I feeling in that moment? What did I end up doing?

I felt uncomfortable, scared, and keenly aware that it was not my family’s dinner party. I didn’t want to make a bad impression on my friend’s family. I’m not Catholic, but I wanted to be respectful of this priest, who was an old friend of my friend’s dad.

My heart also broke for those two small children sitting across from me.

Two white children, absorbing everything around them like sponges, sensing a change in the dynamic at the table, but not quite sure what was going on.

I knew, in that moment, that I had a choice. There were two children looking at me, and I needed them to know that this kind of behavior isn’t ok, and that it’s ok to speak up.

So I spoke up right then. I stopped him, and I told him that it’s never ok to use the N-word. Ever. He got defensive, and he started to tell me that he’s not racist, but I held my ground.

Did I do it perfectly? No. Did I stumble and over-apologize? Probably. Did I shock some people at the table? Most likely.

This wasn’t the first time I’ve spoken up against racism or sexism, but there have been many times in my life where I didn’t speak up.

So what changed?

What gave me the strength, and the resources to speak up? I’ll share that with you in my next post.

For now, I invite you to check in with yourself when you witness racism, sexism, xenophobia, or any other related behaviors in your social and work environments (including on social media). How do you feel  in that moment? Do you want to speak up? What is keeping you from doing so?